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A Love Story

John O'Sullivan

You sit across from them in the bar booth, smiling. The house band is playing some mediocre bar rock. Inoffensive, but mixed too poorly for you to decipher any of the vocalist's words. For a moment neither of you say a word, just letting the silence between you two sit. You break it: "Remember when we first met here? Look how dingy this place is, I can barely believe it."

They nod. "I admit, I never would've walked into this dive looking for anything more than a cheap beer and a decent live show."

You both turn to watch the band. As if to prove their decency, they cut into a catchy, crowd-pleasing chorus. The soundtrack of a crowd clapping along belies the almost motionless patrons of the bar watching on in boredom.

You turn back to them. "I don't think I'll ever forget that day, once upon a time a few years back."

...

You stir your drink around with the cocktail straw, looking for something interesting in the tabletop. Something to focus on. Anything other than <<print $herObj>>. After a moment, you look up. "Yeah, I can see why you would've been."\n\n<<print $She>> smiles. "I didn't have to be, though. I was scared you would be angry, violent. You were just hurt." <<print $She>> takes a long drink. "I'm sorry that what we had caused so much pain, but I like to think we both took away something valuable from it."\n\nYou force a smile onto your face. As much as it hurts to say, <<print $she>>'s right. There were lessons you had to learn, and you learned with with <<print $herObj>>. Years afterward, you've had better relationships because of respecting lines <<print $she>> taught you. Your smile turns jokingly rueful, it looks sturdier than you feel. "I sure had a lot to learn, I'm glad I got started."\n\n<<print $HerPos>> smile turns slightly piteous. "I hope it's gone well, <<print $myName>>. The friend I've been waiting for just got here -- I'll see you around." And with that, <<print $she>> turned and left you with your half a drink and some memories.\n\n//[[But hey, there are always more fish in the sea, right?|Start]]//

[[You seem to go to the bathroom an awful lot -- what's up with that pinkie nail?|Familial Friction][$openness = 1]]\n\n[[I guess their nose is a *little* rabbity. Probably just a cold, right?|Familial Friction][$openness = -1]]

You smile, and it doesn't even look forced. "Of course I remember that road trip! That was a hell of a time, I'm almost shocked we survived it."\n\n<<print $She>> smiles wistfully back at you. "God, such great memories. You remember the zoo in Denver? The one with the leopard cubs?" <<print $HerPos>> face just looks so happy.\n\nYou scan your memory for a moment... Oh well, no need to spoil a perfectly good conversation. "Yeah, I remember. Adorable little cubs, the ones with the spots." \n\nSpots. \n\nYou might've been bullshitting earlier, but now you've got something. "You know what stuck out to me, though?", you ask rhetorically. "Those leopard print boots you had. They were so absurd, so --"\n\n"Just so good!", <<print $she>> finishes for you. Close enough to what you were going to say, right?\n\nYou pull back the corners of your mouth. After all -- close enough, right? [["You know", you say, "I remember the day you got those boots."|Sucked Into The Love]]

At that memory, <<print $herPos>> face turns a little sour, as if recalling a bad taste. "Yeah", <<print $she>> said, "I remember. You were so angry, I couldn't even understand why."\n\nWell, at least <<print $she>> remembers it. What with <<print $herPos>> selective recall, it's satisfying to see <<print $she>> remembers some of the bad as well as the good.\n\nAfter all, misery loves company.\n\nThere's a tense silence between you two, now. Both thinking of how the relationship had changed around then, how the dynamic darkened. Loving surprises turned to passive-aggressive notes. You stopped living the relationship, always just talking about it. Hours upon hours of talking. What was right, what was wrong. What was working, what wasn't. What did you need, what did <<print $she>> need.\n\nYou remember how through it all, you had that unshakeable faith. You loved <<print $herObj>>, <<print $she>> loved you, that's what mattered. The faith that one way or another, you'd be able to work it out. Whatever pain happened on the way there had to be worth it, right? You remember thinking to yourself: isn't this what love means, getting through the tough spots because the bright ones make it all worth it?\n\nYou bring your drink to your mouth, tip it back until the cup is dry. Thankfully, <<print $she>> speaks first so you don't have to.\n\n"Say", <<print $she>> says, "did you and your friends ever make that trip to New Hampshire an annual thing? You all seemed so excited about it the first time, I hoped it would keep happening."\n\nYou smile, reminiscing about the long weekend in the mountains. [[What with present company, though, it's tough for you to focus on the trip itself rather than the circumstances surrounding it.|Nut Up Don't Shut Up]]

Your attention starts to move back, and the sounds coming out of the bartender's mouth start to resolve into actual words.\n\n"I saw you making eyes over there. Do you two know each other?"\n\n/%*[[Yes|Set Their Gender][$known = "True"]]%/\n*[[No|Set Their Gender][$known = "False"]]

//[Splendid. Now, what's <<print $herPos>> name?]//\n\n<<textbox "$herName" "Alex" "FirstApproach">>

In spite of the tension surrounding the trip, you smile. You've still got photos from it hung up by your desk at the office. You've gotten together with some of them and done something smaller since then, but the whole group hasn't been together for a weekend like that ever since.\n\n"No", you say, "we never did manage to make it an annual trip. There are plans for four of us to spend a weekend together in March, but we haven't been able to make the schedules work for the whole group ever since."\n\n"Damn", <<print $she>> says, "what a shame. I'm glad you have them, though." <<print $She>> always did have trouble keeping <<print $herPos>> friends. Always got too wrapped up in <<print $herPos>> relationships -- no wonder you two started dating.\n\n"Same", you agree. "It's good to have that support system." You sip your drink, turn your head, and tune your attention in to the bar band for a moment. Mediocre as ever, now they're playing a slow song. It could probably pass for a Mumford & Sons song, one off their later albums. You turn back to <<print $herName>>.\n\n"So...", <<print $she>> says, clearly trying to find the right way to express <<print $herPos>> thoughts. You sit and wait for a moment, let <<print $herObj>> compose <<print $herself>>. Seconds tick. <<print $She>> looks down, stabbing the ice in her glass with a cocktail straw.\n\n"Look", you say, "<<print $herName>>, we haven't spoken in two and a half years." You pause and your motionless face belies your racing pulse. You can practically hear your heartbeat in your ears. You choose not to mention that you've barely been able to think about anything other than this conversation ever since <<print $she>> called you last week. You cut to the chase. "Why did you call me? What do you want to talk about?"\n\n<<print $She>> sighs, as if a rope around <<print $herPos>> chest has been removed and the tension is gone. "<<print $myName>>", <<print $she>> says with <<print $herPos>> head still down, "I've done a lot of thinking since then, and I've grown a lot. Thinking back on the relationship, I feel guilty about how much I depended on you."\n\nOnce again, you feel validated.\n\n"I just don't understand", <<print $she>> goes on -- now you're confused.\n\n"Understand what?", you quietly ask.\n\n<<print $She>> looks up. [["I don't understand why you took so long to end it."|See You At The Apartment]]

You sit across from them in the bar booth, smiling. The house band is playing some mediocre bar rock. Inoffensive, but mixed too poorly for you to decipher any of the vocalist's words. For a moment neither of you say a word, just letting the silence between you two sit. You break it: "Remember when we first met here? Look how dingy this place is, I can barely believe it."\n\nThey nod. "I admit, I never would've walked into this dive looking for anything more than a cheap beer and a decent live show."\n\nYou both turn to watch the band. As if to prove their decency, they cut into a catchy, crowd-pleasing chorus. The soundtrack of a crowd clapping along belies the almost motionless patrons of the bar watching on in boredom.\n\nYou turn back to them. "I don't think I'll ever forget that day, once upon a time a few years back."\n\n[[...|PastStart]]

//[Splendid, thank you for that. I've got a few more things to collect, but I'll let you go through the story in just a moment. Before I get started, what did that ID say for your name?]\n\n<<textbox "$myName" "Jessie">>\n\n[[...|Eyes Lock]]

[[Huh, I guess the city *is* full of dogs that could use a better home. Not much room to roam in NYC. Back where I'm from, a Black Lab could amble for hours in a wide open space. Interesting, I'd never really thought of it like that before.|Put A Ring On It][$openness = $openness + 1]]\n\n[[I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of it! So what if it isn't a shelter dog, it was mine. Who are you to judge that?|Put A Ring On It][$openness = $openness - 1]]

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[[How have you been? You should come on over, your toothbrush is still around and everything.|The Fraying Edges]]

The bar reeks of spilled beer, sounds like twenty hangovers grumbling among themselves. 4:30 PM on a Sunday afternoon, everybody just burning time. Waiting for the next Monday to start. A sign by the door sets the tone -- "Tomorrow Will Take Care of Itself, Have A Beer!"\n\n[[...|Set Your Gender]]

You unlock the door to your apartment and hear a TV blaring in the background. "Pardon the mess", you say, "my roommate and I haven't cleaned up in a little while."\n\n<<print $She>> walks through the door, stepping over the pile of mail on the ground. "I can tell", she says.\n\nThe apartment has two bedrooms, a bathroom and a half, a small kitchenette, and a living room area. Your roommate Alex is sprawled sideways on the sofa, lazily flipping through channels. A bong rests on the coffee table in front of them, a wisp of smoke still trailing up from it. Out of the corner of your eyes, you notice <<print $herPos>> eyes roll. Alex picks up the bong, gestures with it at you. "Want a hit?" Half heartedly waves it at <<print $herName>> as well.\n\nYou put two and two together, realize this might not be the best time. "No thanks, I'll pass." <<print $herName>> shakes <<print $herPos>> head as well.\n\nAlex shrugs and says, "Suit yourselves." The sound of bubbling fills the room. <<print $herName>> coughs, sounding slightly uncomfortable.\n\n"Let's head over to my room", you say, hoping to get out of this awkward situation. You open the door to the space and immediately putting off your laundry last night to see the new Game of Thrones. The room smells like dirty socks and slightly rotting trash, <<print $herName>>'s nose wrinkles.\n\n"So I guess we're not going to see that movie if your roommate's using the TV?", <<print $herName>> asks. <<print $HerPos>> face bored, looking like <<print $she>>'s sitting through a movie <<print $she>>'s seen too many times before.\n\nYou laugh nervously, trying to edge the trashcan full of condom wrappers out of sight. "Probably not", you say. "There are plenty of other things we could do, though! Like..." And so begins the hemming and hawing. You fumble for a moment, trying to seem like you had anything other than bed in mind, but come up blank.\n\n<<print $She>> sits on your bed and says, "Would your roommate have offered anyone a hit, or were they just trying to be polite for me?" The sarcasm drips from <<print $herPos>> voice.\n\nYou bristle at the sarcasm. "Yeah, just for you. We actually messed up the apartment as much as we could before I left, just to make sure you got a real nice impression." You cross your arms.\n\n<<print $herName>> rolls <<print $herPos>> eyes at you. "You got big plans in the messing-stuff-up business, then? Going to really shake up the world of Cheeto-eating?"\n\n[["Yeah", you say, "I'm real excited." Your nostrils flare with anger. "How about you, trying to the Most Sarcastic superlative at the office this year?"|NI-2][$openness = -1]]\n\n[["Oh, can't you tell? I'm training for the Deadbeat Olympics." You laugh. "Maybe it's just me, but there's something to be said for being immature while you're still young."|NI-2][$openness = 1]]

"What are you doing??", your text reads. Your thumb hovers over the Send button. Immediately above the input box, your most recent message reads, "Hey, do you want to hang out? Maybe go get froyo together? Are you with anyone??" The timestamp is from twenty minutes ago. You look back up and see the half-finished report on your desk, late from last week.\n\nYou've been dating <<print $herName>> for a few months now. <<print $She>>'s great, but hasn't been very responsive to you lately. Spends a lot of time with other people, almost seems to be dodging you. But why? You're <<print $hers>> and <<print $she>>'s yours, doesn't that mean <<print $she>>'ll be there for you when you need <<print $herObj>>? Especially when you're so stressed out trying to adjust to this new job, you'd think <<print $she>> would understand.\n\nYour phone buzzes -- your nose is down and tapping past the notification to read the message in less than a second flat. As you'd hoped, it's <<print $herName>>:\n\n"Just with friends, catching up. Calm down -- I don't want you to be worried when I'm just doing my thing."\n\nYou immediately type up an angry response... Then think better of it. Delete it. You pause for a moment and then try again. Before you hit send, you give it a quick proofread:\n\n[["My bad, sorry for freaking out. Work is getting to me a little, I've been feeling needy. I'll talk to you later, have fun with your friends :)"|NI-3][$openness = $openness + 1]]\n\n[["I'm not worried, I just didn't know where you were. I'd appreciate it if you would let me know, it isn't that big a deal. Thanks, love <3"|NI-3][$openness = $openness - 1]]

<<print $She>> smiles warmly. "Those two have never done me wrong. I'm <<print $herName>>, why don't you scoot onto that bench right there?"\n\nInside, you cheer as you sit down. You ask <<print $herObj>> where <<print $she>> is from, what book <<print $she>> was reading. <<print $She>> asks you what you studied in school, what you do for a living. You're both young twenty-somethings, asking the usual questions. Doing the Millenial mating dance, trying to see if the other is worth getting to know. You swap numbers and Snapchat handles. Take a selfie together.\n\n"I'll be honest, <<print $myName>>, you seem interesting -- I'd love to see you again sometime", <<print $herName>> says. Your heart soars. <<print $She>> continues, "How about dinner next week?"\n\n[["I'd love that", you respond.|NG-1]]

<<if $openness gt 0>>\n[[Sweetheart, I'm done playing games. I want us at each other's side, I want to see your face when I wake up. Forget Ted. Will you marry me?|See You At Home]]\n[[They really are great, but I just don't know... Maybe there's someone better? Maybe this other person is their one...|You Snooze You Lose]]\n<<else>>\n[[I've never understood a person as well as I've understood you -- thank you for showing me how to connect. It's sad that we connected just to find that we don't quite match up, but I'll always remember you.|500 Days of Summer]]\n[[We still have a few more things to work out, but I'm sure we can work them out... right? God, I just don't want to be alone. Sweetheart, let's fall in together?|The Beginning of a Long, Painful End]]\n<<endif>>

"So will that be cash, debit, or credit?", said the cashier to <<print $herName>>. You stand by, idle and disinterested. \n\n<<print $She>> gives the same cheery response as always: "Credit, of course!" You can hear almost hear it, the maniacal laughing of an AmEx account manager as the numbers just keep going up. Thankfully, it's <<print $herPos>> credit and not yours -- no skin off your nose, right?\n\n"Okay, love", you say tiredly, "are you ready to go?" You think of your friends all together, watching the premiere of the new Sherlock. The one that started an half an hour ago. You start to hear a faint phantom bubbling as your blood ever so slightly boils.\n\n"Just one second, honey", <<print $she>> says. "I want to quickly take a photo with these new boots." <<print $HerPos>> face pointed down as <<print $she>> busies <<print $herself>> with <<print $herPos>> shoes, you glare at the back of <<print $herPos>> head. As <<print $she>> turns to face you, the anger leaves your gaze. <<print $She>> reaches up, hands you <<print $herPos>> iPhone. "Could you take it?"\n\nMomentarily, you stare at the phone in <<print $herPos>> hand. As if by symmetry, your phone vibrates (again) in your pocket. You don't need to look at the notification to know it's your friends, wondering where you are. You all agreed to watch Sherlock together, to try and get some quality time. You can hear that bubbling now, can't you? Your friends keep complaining that you're never around, always with *<<print $HerObj>>*.\n\n<<print $She>> shakes the iPhone. "Now?" The bubbling turns into a rage, hitting full broil. <<print $HerPos>> face turns from impatiently expectant to warmly caring. "I love you, baby. Please?"\n\nSuddenly, after all that boiling, nothing more than an impotent fizzle. Was that really a seething rage? Looking back at it now, all you can feel is a limp, disheartened, wriggle. You sigh, feel the anger flow out of your chest.\n\nWait a second, was that anger or self-respect?\n\nOh well -- what's done is done. Whaddaya gonna do?\n\n"Sure, baby", you say, "I'll take the picture." Just like that, the moment is past. An instant of a flash in a trendy boutique, then everything moves on. "Now, are you ready to head back to the apartment? I need to go meet up with my friends."\n\n<<print $She>> turns with a start. "To the apartment? No, <<print $myName>>, my love, we need to run by the DMV. I need to get my license renewed, don't you remember saying you'd keep me company?"\n\nOh, yep, there's that bubbling again, here comes the blood-boil. Funny how quickly a fire can stop and start when it's only fueled by an emotion. "Are you fucking kidding me, <<print $herName>>?" <<print $HerPos>> face turns poisonous -- hurt, bitter, scorned. You won't see <<print $herPos>> smile again today.\n\nYour phone starts to vibrate again, not just once. Friends are calling now, they want to know where you are. "Did <<print $myName>> die?", they're probably wondering. "Were they eaten alive by <<print $herName>>?" For once, instead of tapping the fat red IGNORE bar, you turn away from <<print $herName>>, pick up the phone and walk away.\n\nThe first thing you hear is a half-shriek and half-cheer -- it's clear nobody thought you would pick up your phone. That stings a little, but you can't blame them. After that, three people take turns grabbing the phone away from each other and getting in precisely half a word edgewise:\n\n"C'mon, you have to get over here! Get free, <<print $she>>'s --"\n\n"IT ONLY JUST STARTED, WE'VE BEEN WA --"\n\n"Save yourself, save yourseeeeee --"\n\nFinally, one of them manages to wrest the phone away from the rest to actually speak with you.\n\n"Okay, actually, though -- are you on your way over or are you about to bail *again*?"\n\nFor once, you really don't have to think too long.\n\n[["I'm sorry, you're totally right. This relationship has been driving me crazy, I don't even know what my priorities are anymore. See you soon."|NG-3][$openness = $openness + 1]]\n\n[["Look, I'm sorry we don't see each other, but this makes me happy. I promised to go to the DMV, I hope you all enjoy the show."|NG-3][$openness = $openness - 1]]

<<print $She>> laughs, maybe a little ruefully. "I certainly haven't forgotten that night. How could I? You were just so excited to try and get me home, it seemed like a fun night."\n\n"Not that it cast me in a terribly good light", you say with a jokingly bashful smile on your face. [["That place was a wreck."|They See Your Life]]

You shake your head at <<print $herPos>> mention of that day, as if trying to dislodge and purge a memory. "It's taken a long time for me to try and let go of what we had."\n\n<<print $She>> smiles sadly at you. "Did you really want to keep holding onto what was between us? It didn't seem fun for anyone by the time it was over."\n\nYou open your mouth to respond angrily, then think again. When you get down to it, it really wasn't. "I guess not", you say. "It's still tough to get past the memories, though."\n\n<<print $herName>> nods. "Yup, it sure is. Good or bad, it's always tough to get past those memories." <<print $She>> takes a long drink. "Who knows if they ever go away fully?", <<print $she>> says. "Maybe we just accept them for what they were and live with them."\n\nYou look at <<print $herObj>> seriously for a moment, thinking about it. Then you nod too. "I suppose we do", you concede. \n\nWith that, <<print $she>> stands from the bar booth. Gathers <<print $herPos>> things, says "Goodbye", and walks away.\n\nYou sit, staring at your drink. Maybe you do just have to live with them, no way to forget.\n\n//[[Luckily, the game's never over. Just have to get back on your horse and try again. Want to give it a try?|Start]]

Your phone rang with that special ringtone, the one you set for <<print $herObj>> on your second date. \n\nYou pick up the phone: \n\nYou hear a knock on your door. <<print $She>> called you earlier today. First time you'd heard from <<print $herName>> in days, must be the first time in months that <<print $she>>'s calling you instead of the other way around. When you picked up, <<print $she>> said those words you had been dreading:\n\n"<<print $myName>>, we need to talk."\n\nNow <<print $she>>'s right outside. You open the door. "Hey, <<print $herName>>, how are you? How's your day, sweetheart, how are things?" Your attempt at kindness belies your racing heartbeat. You talk a mile a minute, stalling, anything. "Do you want some tea? Coffee? Anything at all?"\n\n<<print $She>> walks inside, sits down on one of the armchairs. Looks around for a moment. "You know, your apartment really has gotten more put together since we met." You think of the hours you spent cleaning, doing laundry, trying to be more mature. More like whatever <<print $she>> wanted.\n\n"Thanks", you say.\n\n"I don't want to mince words", she said. You open your mouth to respond with a sarcastic remark, decide not to and close it again. "<<print $myName>>, we need to break up. You're controlling, obsessive, and can't make yourself happy. My friends have been telling me to leave you for months."\n\nFucking Joe, you knew it.\n\n"They tell me that you call them, trying to hunt me down when I don't respond to your messages even for just a little while. I know you just want to know where I am, but that's not alright. You shouldn't need to always know where I am, you should be more worried about what you're doing yourself."\n\nYou think about the hours you spent in a chair, darting your gaze from the frontpage of reddit back to your cellphone. Waiting for a response from <<print $herObj>>. <<print $She>> might have a point.\n\nShe goes on, "Honestly, I don't have much else to say. There was some good here, you're funny and attractive, but I can't deal with you in a relationship. Not while you think this is what a relationship entails."\n\nThere's silence between you two for a moment.\n\n<<print $She>> squirms for a second, looking around. Tries to watch the clock on the wall rather than catch you eye. After a moment, <<print $she>> exhales. "Look, <<print $myName>>, is there anything else you want to say?"\n\n<<if $openness gt 0>>\n* [[This hurts. I wish I could show you just how much I care. You were, no, are my all. I guess that wasn't the problem, though. This is probably how things should be. I hope things work out right for you, somewhere down the line. Bye.|Understand, Let Go]]\n* [[I... I mean, I'm hurt. I tried to be everything I could, I don't understand why that wasn't good enough. Doesn't my love matter? Can't you see how much I feel for you? Please, baby, just don't go.|But Why Why Why?]]\n<<else>>\n* [["I... I don't know what to say. I'm sorry, I thought... I guess I thought I was just showing you my love. I can be better, we can do it. If you don't want to, though... Then I guess this is goodbye."|I'm Glad You Got Started]]\n* [["No. I cared about you, and you disrespected me. I don't want to say anything to you, I don't want to see you, I never want to think of you again. Please leave."|It's All Your Fault]]\n<<endif>>

<<print $She>> raises an eyebrow at you. "I don't know, how about you sit down and we find out?"\n\nYou do, the conversation starts to pick up. You swap hometowns, interests. <<print $She>> tells you about the book <<print $she>> was reading, Death in Venice. You tell <<print $herObj>> about the new Jack White album you've been listening to. A few drinks in, you're both speaking excitedly and looking a little flushed.\n\n"Nuh uh", <<print $she>> says, "that wasn't it at all! I've seen the movie a hundred times, I can *guarantee* the suitcase didn't have gold in it."\n\n"Well, I've got the Director's Cut on Blu-Ray back at my place", you say, trying to transition smoothly. [["How about we head back there and check?"|NI-1]]

Your face twists in pain at the memory of the conversation. "I was depressed for months after that. It took a long time before I understood why."\n\n<<print $HerPos>> face looked pained as well, but differently. Less all-consuming misery, more driving-by-a-wreck pity. "I'd say I'm sorry, but that's just it -- I had to", <<print $she>> said. "I didn't have any other choices, you were just asking too much of me."\n\nMirroring your emotional state over the past couple years, the pain on your face morphs into wistfulness. "I guess so. I still remember all the good times, though. Weren't they great, did they make it all worth it?"\n\n<<print $She>> sighs. "I don't know, <<print $myName>>. We might not remember those times the same way. For me, there weren't a lot of good times. That doesn't mean it wasn't all worth it, though."\n\nYou wrinkle your forehead in confusion. Rather than open your mouth and demonstrate just how confused, you take a diplomatically large sip of your drink and keep listening.\n\n<<print $HerPos>> equally furrowed brow demonstrated how carefully <<print $she>> was choosing <<print $herPos>> words. "I hadn't learned to listen and fully understand where someone was coming from. I think that's why it seems to you like I hurt you -- I didn't realize what you wanted or expect when we got started."\n\nYou start -- you hadn't expected <<print $herObj>> to start talking down this path, explaining why <<print $she>> hurt you. After years of silence, you're astounded.\n\n<<print $She>> continues, "At the same time, I don't think you ever really understood what you wanted yourself. Neither of us understood each other, things got messy. I can't say I'm sorry for what I did, but I do hope you've been able to move on."\n\nYou swallow hard. You have to admit -- as much as those wounds stung when they were made, it's been a while. They've scarred over. Looking at them now, it's a little easier to understand how they got there. Who got them there. "Well, I am sorry for what I did", you say. "It's been hard, but I've been moving on. Trying to see new people, give them the space they deserve."\n\n<<print $She>> puts on a small smile and says, "That's good." You're happy that <<print $she>>'s happy for you, but it feels a bit too much like <<print $herObj>> trying to be polite than anything else. "Anyways", <<print $she>> says, "I need to get going. I'm glad we ran into each other, though. I think of you every now and then, wonder how you are. You seem good, <<print $myName>>. I hope you stay that way."\n\nWith that, <<print $she>> stood, turned around, and walked out of the bar. As you watched <<print $herObj>> go, you wondered if there's anything you lost with <<print $herObj>> that you can't find with someone else. Slowly, your eyes start to drift around the room.\n\n//[[You live to fight another day. Ready to go back into the fray, meet your next somebody?|Start]]//

A moment passes. Your attention is focused solely there -- for a moment, the room fades away. The gaze holds, you both smile. Out of the corner of your eye, you realize the bartender is looking at you and speaking.\n\n[[...|Who Is That?]]

A Love Story

<<print $She>> laughs, the rueful sort where you're only laughing because enough time has passed. "No, it certainly didn't. It did have a charm to it, though. If nothing else, it left me certain that you liked having a good time."\n\n"Well I can stand by that", you say as you raise your glass. "Cheers to having had good times." You pause for a moment, thinking. "And to having gotten through the times that weren't."\n\n<<print $Her>> lips pursed slightly. "To having gotten through them, one way or another", <<print $she>> said, then clinked your glass and took a long drink. [["I still can't believe how far that went."|Jealous of Their Friends]]

You wince. "I really didn't know what I was doing back then", you say. "I was always scared that you were off with someone else, laughing about how much better off you were without me."\n\n<<print $herName>> smiles tiredly, shrugs. "It happens, I guess. Everyone has to learn to relate sometime." <<print $She>> rubs <<print $herPos>> eyes. "Hell, if anything you taught me what a warning sign looks like."\n\nYou keep your face motionless as you absorb the sting silently. Might as well take it for what it is at this point. Water under the bridge. [["Well, at least I learned what it feels like to be a walking warning."|Love Dependence]]

You wait for <<print $herObj>> to say something to counter you -- "No, it wasn't all that bad!" or "The good times were pretty great, though!" Sadly for you, nothing is forthcoming. You both sit in silence, one much heavier than earlier in the conversation. Each take a long drink. \n\nYou find your glass empty, wave to the bartender to try and get another one. He doesn't see you. Or did he just dodge your gaze? Is he trying to keep you from getting another one, do you look like some sloppy drunk? You pause, take a deep breath. Remember what the doctor told you -- not everyone is acting with you in mind. Not every act is a judgment on who you are.\n\nAn empty sucking sound breaks the silence, signaling that <<print $she>>'s finished <<print $herPos>> drink as well. Before you can say anything, <<print $she>> waves her hand holding up two fingers. The bartender knows <<print $herObj>>, responds immediately. In a minute, you both have fresh drinks sitting in front of you.\n\n<<print $She>> speaks first. [["I was so nervous how you'd react when it was time to end it."|Time To Get Going]]

"Hey there", you say, trying to exude some confidence. "I'm <<print $myName>>, I don't think we've ever met each other.\n\n* [[I've got two Dark & Stormy's, a long night, and nobody to share either with. Want to join me?"|New&Immediate]]\n* [[If you're not busy, I'd love to change that. How does a Dark & Stormy and some good conversation sound?"|New&Gradual]]

//Fantastic. Carry on!//\n\nSatisfied, the bartender hands back your ID and you slide it into your wallet. Lean back in your chair, sip your beer, start looking a little more closely at your company.\n\nTwo seats to your right, a young 20-something guy in a rumpled coat has his face propped up by his arm, eyes buried in a textbook. The Red Bull waiting next to his beer identifies him as a grad student, the pile of flash cards covered in seven syllable words qualifies him further -- probably in med school.\n\nIn one of the booths lining the wall, three old women are sipping cocktails and laughing loud. Occasionally the conversation dies down for a moment when the daytime drama on the TV gets particularly interesting. Wouldn't want to miss the gory details of Lupita's tryst.\n\nYour gaze drifts to the back right corner of the room, furthest from the door, and you see those eyes. Those eyes you won't forget.\n\n[[ ...|MeetingPause]]

<<print $herName>> made a long, falling whistle sound -- as if watching a baseball slowly follow its trajectory across the sky and back to earth. "How could I forget that night, back when we met here?", <<print $she>> said.\n\nYou look across the table, meet <<print $herPos>> eyes. Raise your glass and say, "Whatever other shit happened on top of it, here's to having taken one hell of a ride together."\n\n<<print $She>> smiles at you, says, "I can toast to that." You each take a long gulp from your drinks. When the glasses hit the table, both ring hollow. <<print $She>> raises <<print $herPos>> hand, waves for two fresh drinks, and turns to face you. [["Say, do you remember the first road trip we took together?"|But How Banal]]

You look up at <<print $herObj>> from your reverie. "You want to know why I took so long?", you ask.\n\n"Yes", <<print $she>> says. "We were together for a long time, and I was shocked when you ended things."\n\n"Really?", you respond sarcastically.\n\n<<print $HerPos>> face turns bitter as <<print $she>> says, "Yes, really, you asshole. I thought we were doing just fine. Yes, we were fighting a lot, but the good times were so good."\n\n"I admit, we did have some absolutely wonderful days together", you concede. "So what's your point? You don't understand how it is that the relationship seemed good but was actually rotting at its core?"\n\nThis time, it's <<print $herPos>> turn to take a deep breath. "Ignoring the ugly metaphor", <<print $she>> says, "no, that's not quite it. We were fighting, so you clearly weren't happy -- you knew it was rotting. What I want to know is why you let it last so long."\n\n"Ah, I see. That's a little more complicated." You sip your drink to give yourself a moment to think. "Let me figure out how I want to say this..."\n\n"Take your time", <<print $she>> says, "the bar's open late." <<print $She>> throws back <<print $herPos>> drink and waves for another. <<print $She>> turns back towards you and rests <<print $herPos>> chin in <<print $herPos>> hands while <<print $she>> waits for you to respond.\n\n"Well...", you begin slowly. "The way I see it, I knew something was wrong and it bothered me. I didn't understand what it was, though." You pause, mostly for dramatic effect. You finish your drink -- a little bit of liquid courage can't hurt for a conversation like this. "The issue was that at every turn, I was willing to put you above myself. I know I want to be happy, and I know I want the person I love to be happy."\n\n<<print $She>> nods <<print $herPos>> head in agreement.\n\n"The problem was when I thought that as long as you were happy, I was happy." You try to take a drink, realize your glass is empty. You wave for a new one, then continue, "Then, all I needed to be happy was whatever you needed. From there, it was a slippery slope of always putting myself second, doing what I had to do in order to get you what you wanted."\n\n<<print $She>> leans back in <<print $herPos>> seat. "Huh", <<print $she>> says, "I could see how that would be a problem. I have to say though, I kind of feel like an asshole for not having felt the same way."\n\nYou shrug at <<print $herObj>>. "If you'd spoken to me a couple years ago", you say, "I'd have said that you're right -- you ''were'' an asshole for not feeling that way. Now, though, I don't know. I don't think anyone can be happy if they aren't considering their own needs for happiness. The problem with my plan was that sometimes you were perfectly happy, but I was unsatisfied. You were loving your favorite restaurant, I was missing time with my friends. That sort of thing."\n\n"Okay", <<print $she>> said. "So that mismatch bred unhappiness, which led to the fighting, which eventually led to the breakup?"\n\n"I don't know if it's quite that direct", you say, "because people are awfully complicated. But something along those lines, yeah, that's what I would say happened."\n\nYou look down and see that your fresh drink arrived at the table somewhere in the middle of your rant. You look at it for a moment, then raise it towards <<print $herName>>. "Look, it's been a long time since then", you say. "You hurt me a good amount, but it's done. Cheers to letting bygones be bygones."\n\n<<print $She>> chuckles and raises <<print $herPos>> glass to yours. "Cheers to that", <<print $she>> says. You each take a sip. "Especially", <<print $she>> goes on, "because the other reason I came to this bar was the date I'm meeting in half an hour. So what do you say we finish these drinks and put this all behind us?"\n\nYou expect to feel more anger, but don't. In the end, it's like you said -- the bygones are bygones. You smile at <<print $herObj>>. "Sure. How about we finish them and I get going then, because us three all running into each other sounds awkward", you say with a wink. <<print $She>> laughs.\n\n"Cheers to new beginnings", <<print $she>> says while raising <<print $herPos>> glass.\n\n"Cheers", you echo.\n\nThe glasses clink, you each finish what was left of your respective drinks. You bite against the burn -- that was a strong drink to take all at once. But hey, what are you gonna do? Sometimes you just have to take your medicine. You laugh to yourself.\n\nYou stand up, smile, and face <<print $herObj>>. "Have a nice date, <<print $herName>>."\n\n<<print $She>> smiles back warmly. "And you have a nice life, <<print $myName>>. I'll see you if I see you."\n\nWith that, you turn and slowly walk out the bar feeling just a little bit lighter.\n\n//[[Who said that every happy ending in a love story has to be a "forever after"? Gotta take 'em as they come. Now, who's ready to try again?|Start]]//

Joey, Alexa, Lauren... You mentally cycle through the list of <<print $herObj>> friends whose numbers you have, wondering who else you can call. You haven't seen <<print $herObj>> in a week, you're starting to go crazy.\n\nWhere the hell is <<print $she>>? Where could <<print $she>> be? Why won't <<print $she>> return any of your calls or messages?\n\nWho knows, maybe <<print $she>>'s just doing <<print $herPos>> own thing like <<print $she>> said. Maybe everything's just fine. But then why wouldn't <<print $she>> respond to your texts? It only takes a second, doesn't <<print $she>> care? Why, why, why?\n\nYou hear your phone buzz from across the room, run to it like a smoker who realized the pack has just one left. Check the notification -- not <<print $herObj>>. Joey responded to your text:\n\n"Hey, sorry, but I don't know where <<print $she>> is. <<print $She>> told me that this might be a really busy week, time to keep to <<print $herself>>."\n\nYour response is instant:\n\n"Do you know where I could find <<print $herObj>>?"\n\nBlessedly, you don't have to wait -- Joey gets straight back to you.\n\n"No."\n\nWow, one word. Punctuation, too -- he must really be trying to be terse. You scrunch up your forehead, trying to figure out what could be wrong. <<print $She>> was terse whenever you spoke last week, and now it's been a while since you've heard anything at all. Has <<print $she>> been incommunicado from everyone, or just you? You check <<print $her>> Facebook. Nope, <<print $she>>'s been online -- there are recent status updates and everything.\n\nYou hear a phantom gear crunching as everything lines up. <<print $She>>'s hiding from everyone, freaking out doing work. People are seeing <<print $herObj>>. <<print $She>> seems happy even though not a word has passed between you two in days.\n\n* [[Maybe it's you? Maybe it isn't that they doesn't care, maybe they just doesn't need you every second. Maybe people are just running away from your crazy ass.|NI-4][$openness = $openness + 1]]\n\n* [[It's as bad as you thought. They don't care and they never will. What an asshole, can you believe them? So insensitive -- don't they understand that people have feelings?|NI-4][$openness = $openness - 1]]

<<if $known is "True">>\n"Yup", you respond. "<<print $herName>> and I go back. Any chance you could get me a couple Dark & Stormy's?"\n\n"Of course, coming right up." The bartender sets about preparing your drinks, you steal another glance at <<print $herObj>> sitting across the room. "Here you go", says the bartender as he hands them to you.\n\nYou cross the room, drinks in hand, thinking of what you want to say when you finally get to <<print $herPos>> table. You notice a book open in front of <<print $herObj>> as you get closer. Suddenly, you're there and clearing your throat. <<print $She>> turns to face you, already slightly smiling -- probably wondering what silly line you'll try to open with.\n\n[[...|Do Know]]\n<<else>>\nYou shake your head. The bartender, without missing a beat, goes on.\n\n"That's <<print $herName>>, <<print $she>>'s here pretty regularly. Likes sipping on a cocktail while <<print $she>> gets ready for the week to start. Typically orders a Dark & Stormy."\n\nHe read you like a book, plain as day. You must've looked awfully starstruck. Well, no sense in being coy about it, then. You grin at the bartender and say, "Okay then, I'll have two."\n\n"Sure thing, buddy", says the bartender. He slides the glass across the bar. You take your drink in your left hand, <<print $hers>> in your right, and walk across the bar to <<print $herPos>> booth. You see a book open in front of <<print $herObj>>. <<print $herName>> turns to face you as you approach the table, fully aware that you're coming. <<print $She>> waits expectantly, wondering what silly line you'll try to open with.\n[[...|Don't Know]]\n<<endif>>

"LET IT TEAR US APAAART!", you and <<print $herName>> yell together. Hand in hand, <<print $herObj>> in the driver's seat, you in the passenger. The Wombats blast on the stereo, the windows are down, the car is a maelstrom of flying hair. <<print $herName>> takes <<print $herPos>> hand back, sets it on the wheel once more.\n\n"LET'S DANCE TO JOY DIVISION!", you yell -- now alone. You look to your left, <<print $herName>>'s face is resolutely trained on the road. Feeling just a little dejected, you turn the music down.\n\n"'Cause this could all go so wrong \s\s But we're so happy, Yeah, we're so happy", the stereo says alone, now at a very reasonable volume.\n\n"Thanks", <<print $herName>> says, "that music was giving me a headache." <<print $HerPos>> eyes dart away from the road and down toward the iPhone in <<print $herPos>> right hand.\n\nSwipe. Swipe. Swipe.\n\nThe conversation lulls. "Hey <<print $myName>>", <<print $she>> says. You turn towards <<print $herObj>> with a smile on your face, happy to be sharing here and now with <<print $herObj>> and nobody but <<print $herObj>>.\n\n"Yes?", you respond, your tone so sugar sweet that flies passing by the car die of hyperglycemia.\n\n"What do you think of this iPhone case?", <<print $she>> says while holding the screen of <<print $herPos>> phone out to your face.\n\n"Uhm...", you stutter, trying to match reality back up to your expectations. "It's... alright? It seems fine."\n\nNow <<print $she>>'s turning towards you, not facing the road. One hand on the wheel, still shoving the iPhone in your face. "Wait a minute", <<print $she>> says, "you don't sound convinced. What's wrong with it? Does it seem too cookie-cutter?"\n\nAs your eyebrow raises, your jaw slackens -- is <<print $she>> really doing this right now?\n\n"Tell me", <<print $she>> insists, "tell me what's wrong with it!"\n\n* [["I mean, it seems just fine for an iPhone case. Don't you think you're giving an awful lot of thought to an iPhone case, though? AND WATCH FOR THAT TRUCK!"|NG-2][$openness = 1]]\n\n* [["Nothing, nothing's wrong with it! It's a great case, don't worry about it. Just focus on -- WATCH OUT FOR THE TRUCK!"|NG-2][$openness = -1]]

[[Bad is bad, love. You can't compare, you just deal with yours.|The Overdose][$openness = $openness + 1]]\n\n[[I never realized you went that deep. Don't think I ever wanted to, either.|The Overdose][$openness = $openness - 1]]

//[Sorry, it's me again. Before I start referring to this lovely individual, how would you prefer I do it?]//\n\n* [[ He|Set Their Name][$herSex = "male"; $she = "he"; $She = "He"; $herObj = "him"; $HerObj = "Him"; $herPos = "his"; $HerPos = "His"; $hers = "his"; $Hers = "His"; $herself = "himself"; $Herself = "Himself"]] \n* [[ She|Set Their Name][$herSex = "female"; $she = "she"; $She = "She"; $herObj = "her"; $HerObj = "Her"; $herPos = "her"; $HerPos = "Her"; $hers = "hers"; $Hers = "Hers"; $herself = "herself"; $Herself = "Herself"]] \n* [[ Ze|Set Their Name][$herSex = "zemale"; $she = "ze"; $She = "Ze"; $herObj = "hir"; $HerObj = "Hir"; $herPos = "hir"; $HerPos = "Hir"; $hers = "hirs"; $Hers = "Hirs"; $herself = "hirself"; $Herself = "Hirself"]]

[[It really has been a damn long time. We haven't spoken in forever. How does dinner sound?|Money Talks, Who Walks?]]

You walk towards the bar, trying to make out the labels on the taps. A few local brands you don't recognize, the standard Buds, Heinekens, and Coronas. You settle on a Pale Blue Moon -- whaddaya know, they serve it with an orange and everything. Not bad for a dive bar. As the bartender gets ready to hand you your beer, he asks for your ID.\n\n"Of course, my bad." You pull it out of your bag and glance down at the old photo of you.\n\n//[Forgive me, but I don't like to make assumptions. Could you do me a quick favor and tell me what it says right there beneath your name, where it says Sex?"]//\n\n* [[M|Set Your Name][$mySex = "male"]]\n* [[F|Set Your Name][$mySex = "female"]] //

You look up at <<print $herObj>> from your reverie. "You want to know why I took so long?", you ask.\n\n"Yes", <<print $she>> says. "It's been a long time since then, but it's never stopped bothering me when I look back. It was broken for so long, why did you just let it run and run?"\n\nYou open your mouth and lamely shut it again. You know, that's a good question. Why ''did'' you take that for so long?\n\n"Well?"\n\n"Just give me a second", you say. You think to yourself -- through all of those hours of arguing, conflict with friends, annoyance at <<print $herObj>>, why did you keep going?\n\n...\n\nAnd there it is, that ugly but simple little truth. "Because", you say, "I loved you. I didn't know any better."\n\n<<print $She>> nods glumly and says, "I thought as much."\n\n"Were you looking for a different answer?", you ask.\n\n"I don't know", <<print $she>> says. "See, I loved you too, but I didn't want to break up with you. I thought everything was just fine, even in spite of the fighting. I was hoping you could tell me what went wrong between us."\n\nYou shrug. "I don't know", you say. "Maybe you shouldn't have asked so much of me? Maybe I shouldn't have been so willing to give of myself? Who knows?"\n\n<<print $She>> lets out a rueful laugh, matches your shrug with one of <<print $herPos>> own. "Who knows. Maybe we just need to keep trying, see if we work it out on the next go around."\n\n"Maybe so", you agree.\n\n//[[Around and around -- shall we go around again?|Start]]//

You look up at <<print $herObj>> from your reverie. "You want to know why I took so long?", you ask.\n\n\n\n//[[They can't all work out, right? Otherwise you'd be awfully inexperienced once it did. It hurts, but the world won't stop moving on. Why not join it and try again?|Start]]//

You look up at <<print $herObj>> from your reverie. "You want to know why I took so long to break up with you?", you ask.\n\n"Yes", <<print $she>> says, almost perfunctorily. "We were together for a long while, and looking back I can see how dysfunctional it became and how long it stayed that way."\n\nIt cuts you a little bit, to hear <<print $herObj>> talk about it so casually. You try not to show that it affects you, and you fail.\n\n"Come on", <<print $she>> says, "you're the one who ended it, you can't sit there and be bothered just because I want to talk about why you did it."\n\nYou take a deep breath. "I guess that's fair", you say. "In that case, I don't understand. You said you understood the relationship was dysfunctional, what else do you want to know?"\n\n"See, I understand that it was dysfunctional", <<print $she>> said, "but it wasn't always that way."\n\n"No, not it wasn't", you respond. Even all these years later, you still remember it sometimes. You remember the good parts, at least. Funny how those are the only ones which ever come to mind.\n\n"So I want to figure out how it became that way", she says. "I want to figure out the core of the issue. You were the one that pulled the trigger, why'd you do it?"\n\nYou look down at the tabletop, carefuly inspecting the whorl of the grain. You don't make any sound for a moment.\n\n"<<print $myName>>?"\n\n"Just give me a second", you say in a somewhat pained manner. You sigh, look into your glass and see that your drink is nearly empty. You slam it back and immediately raise your hand to get another. "Make it a double", you hear yourself say. This might be one of those nights -- so be it.\n\nYou look back at <<print $herPos>> face. <<print $HerPos>> expression lies somewhere between amusement and pity. Well, at least you're both on the same page with the pity. You grit your teeth.\n\n"I guess", you slowly begin, "the problem was that I just cared about you too much. I loved you so much, I never wanted you to feel bad. Sad, angry, annoyed, even bored -- if I could've had my way, you would've felt happy the rest of your life."\n\n<<print $HerPos>> face softened, the pity morphing into empathy, the amusement to sorrow. "That's sweet, even if it's impossible."\n\nThankfully, your drink has arrived at the table -- you take a sip and flash <<print $herObj>> a cold smile. "Well, you can't say I didn't try." You sigh and continue: "I just always wanted you to be happy, so I always put you ahead of myself. Your needs came before all of mine, and I was alright with that. I don't really know why that is, why that didn't bother me more." You stare at the table glumly.\n\n"I... I'd say I'm sorry", <<print $she>> says cautiously, "but I don't know what I'd be sorry for."\n\n"Nothing you can apologize for", you respond. "Just the way things shook out. I'll you one thing, though, after I have some of this drink." You pause and take a sip of the aforementioned drink. "You know, the cocktails here have gotten better. Anyways, the one thing that definitely didn't help was the break. That just made things worse, it made me think the problem would fade with time. Instead it just made it harder to deal with, buried it deeper."\n\n<<print $She>> nodded and agreed, "That was the only thing I was sure of myself, actually." <<print $She>> sighed. "I guess I was hoping to get some more closure out of this."\n\nYou turn your head sideways, like a confused dog. "What do you mean?"\n\n<<print $She>> picked up <<print $herPos>> glass, took a sip. "You know everything that happened here?" <<print $She>> gestures around in a circle, as if to encompass the two of you.\n\nYou nod.\n\n"Well", she says, "I'm in a new relationship now and I want to prevent it from happening."\n\nThe bile of old jealousy hits your throat, you try to bite it back. "I guess that's nice", you croak out.\n\n"You don't have to pretend to be happy for me", <<print $she>> says. "See, the interesting thing is that this one doesn't seem to be going wrong at all -- or not in the same way, at least. None of the same issues."\n\nYou refuse to make eye contact with <<print $herObj>>, stare at your drink instead. Which reminds you, it's one of those nights -- you finish the drink, order another. "Well, isn't that faaantastic for youu", you say, starting to slur slightly.\n\n<<print $She>> raises an eyebrow. "Take it easy there, champ, it's not like I'm taking you back to my place."\n\nYou glare at <<print $herObj>> darkly. "Thanks for the reminder, <<print $herName>>. I'll be juuust fine."\n\n<<print $She>> rolls <<print $herPos>> eyes at you. "Whatever. They're going to be picking me up in just a few minutes. Anything else you want to say?" <<print $She>> looks you in the eye.\n\nYou pause, think about it seriously for a moment.\n\n"You... You know I always loved you, right?"\n\n<<print $She>> nods. "Yup, that much was clear."\n\nYour eyes water slightly. "So... Why wasn't that enough?"\n\n<<print $HerPos>> face softens, <<print $she>> places <<print $herPos>> hand over yours. "Yes, <<print $myName>>, you loved me. But a relationship has two sides. In ours, the sides weren't matching up right." <<print $She>> pats you delicately, like a sick child. "You loved before, and you'll love again. Your love is no less real because I stopped reciprocating it. But it hurts a lot more to keep alive."\n\nWith that, <<print $herPos>> phone buzzed. "Okay, my ride's outside. I'll see you around sometime."\n\n"See you around", you echo.\n\n<<print $She>> looks you in the eye one last time. "Goodbye, <<print $myName>>." <<print $She>> turns around and strides out of the bar.\n\nA minute after <<print $she>> leaves, you faintly repeat: "Goodbye." Then finish your drink, and turn to the bartender for another.\n\n//[[Don't drown your sorrows too long. You know that phrase, more fish in the sea? You only meet them once you start swimming. When you're done drowning, click here to try again.|Start]]//

[[Personally, I'm not willing to do something mind-numbing and at best useless for the humanity just because it has a great paycheck.|Wasn't That Ember Gone?][$openness = 1]]\n\n[[I mean, I guess I want whatever's best for the two of us. Sure, I guess -- that meal was almost good enough I forgot how bored I am.|Wasn't That Ember Gone?][$openness = -1]]

"Hey <<print $herName>>,", you say. "You still drinking Dark & Stormy's?"\n\n<<print $She>> smiles at you. "In fact I am, how nice of you to remember." <<print $She>> shuts <<print $herPos>> book and motions at the bench across from <<print $herObj>>. "Why don't you sit down?"\n\n\n"Thanks, I'd love to," you say.\n* [["How have you been? Still seeing what's-their-name?"|Know&Immediate]]\n* [["It's good to see you. What're you reading these days?"|Know&Gradual]]

You pause before knocking on the door to your own apartment, hear your phone buzz. Look down and see a notification -- a text from your friend Alex. You tap on it and read:\n\n>> ''You can do it. Be strong.''\n\nYou swallow hard, tap the back button. The next conversation down is between you and <<print $herName>>. The last message in the thread from you to <<print $herObj>> says it all: ''We should talk. See you at home?'' Beneath it, five messages from <<print $herObj>>. The first confirming that <<print $she>> would be there, the following four asking in increasingly frantic language what needed to be talked about.\n\nYou take a deep breath...\n\n...\n\n... and exhale. Now, from a place of calm, you knock on the door.\n\n*ba da da-da duh. ba-ba.*\n\nAlmost instantly, the door opens. <<print $herName>> is standing there, eyes darting from your face to the floor. <<print $HerPos>> expression shifts from fear to confusion and back, over and over again. Your heart sinks, realizing this is going to be just as bad as you had feared.\n\n"Come on in", <<print $she>> says, <<print $herPos>> voice already shaking slightly. "So, what do you want to talk about?"\n\nYou walk through the door and sit down on the sofa in the living room before answering. You've rehearsed this enough times in your head, talked about it enough with your friends. You know you have to do this... Now it's time to follow through.\n\n"Could you sit down, sweetheart?", you say, not without some unsteadiness. <<print $She>> silently complies, crossing the room and taking a seat next to you on the sofa. <<print $She>> curls <<print $herPos>> legs up under <<print $herself>>, <<print $herPos>> foot touches your thigh. You scoot slightly further away, but now <<print $herPos>> arm is brushing against your neck. Keep scooting.\n\n"What's wrong, baby", <<print $herName>> says, "talk to me." You get up, sit down on the armchair next to the sofa.\n\n"I'm sorry", you say, "I need some space." You pause, realizing the words out of your mouth. "And I guess that says it all."\n\n<<print $HerPos>> expression crumples. If there was a way for <<print $herObj>> to curl up even more, <<print $she>> did. From <<print $herPos>> face, to <<print $herPos>> body language, to the tiny whimper escaping <<print $herPos>> mouth, you have never seen anyone look so completely distraught and defeated. "But why, baby? Why?"\n\nYou restrain the impulse to reach out, touch <<print $herPos>> face, wrap your arms around <<print $herObj>>. You knew this would hurt, but there's nothing else to do. You tried to wait, you tried to help <<print $herObj>> change, but it is what it is.\n\n<<print $She>> starts to reach out to you, as if to touch your cheek, but stops when <<print $she>> sees the look on your face. "But <<print $myName>>, aren't you happy?"\n\nWith the weight of a thousand false rationalizations, you sigh. "Sweetheart", you begin, "I love you, but no. I'm not happy."\n\n<<print $She>> winces as if you'd struck <<print $herPos>> face. Thankfully, though, <<print $she>> doesn't speak -- just lets you continue.\n\n<<if $openness gt 0>>\n"<<print $herName>>, I haven't been happy in a while." You pause to collect your thoughts, then go on: "I love you, but this relationship isn't healthy for me. I spend all my time with you, I never see my friends anymore. I --"\n\n"But wait", <<print $she>> interrupts, "what about--"\n\n"Love, please. Don't. This is hard enough for me, just let me talk." <<print $She>> nods in silent acquiescence. You see tears welling in <<print $herPos>> eyes.\n\n"<<print $herName>>, I need to get out of this. I spend so much time with you, I can't help but resent you. The little things you do which used to be cute quirks drive me crazy. I can't stand how much time you spend thinking about the trendiest new places to be. I hate your music. It feels like we've swapping small talk for months."\n\n<<print $HerPos>> face is openly streaming with tears. <<print $She>> silently shakes, <<print $herPos>> chest rising and falling with each sob.\n\n"I love you", you say, "but I just can't do this anymore."\n\nYou pause. That was all you had really planned out, at this point you're winging it. You rack your brain. There are lots of little points you can bring up, lots of moments, but saying each one won't help. It will just make things sting more for <<print $herObj>>. You wait for <<print $herObj>> to say something.\n\n<<print $She>> sniffles. Waits for a moment, realizes you're not saying anything else. <<print $She>> hesitates, then says, "We can work it out, <<print $myName>>, I know it. Please, baby, stay with me."\n\nYour intestines feel like a years-neglected cable knot. You can tell no good will come from sticking around, letting this wear you down even more. You stand.\n\n"Wait, baby", <<print $she>> pleads, "don't go. Is there anything, anything at all I can do?"\n\n* [["My love, this relationship is killing me. I need someone who can support me like I support them, someone to grow with. Instead, you take my support and treat me like a crutch. I'm sorry, but at this point the damage is done."|Here's What's Wrong With Us]]\n\n* [["Frankly, my love, there's nothing to do. I can't keep hurting just to wait and see if something is going to change. I've neglected my friends and put myself through trauma long enough. It's time for me to go."|No, There Isn't]]\n<<else>>\n\nYou open your mouth to continue, look at <<print $herPos>> hurt expression. Your mind goes blank, all the thinking you'd done before this moment replaced by a consuming guilt. All you can think about is how much hurt you're about to cause <<print $herObj>>, how much pain you already feel. Your mouth shuts lamely.\n\n<<print $She>> sits there, waiting for you to go on. The look of pain starts to mix with confusion. "Honey...?", <<print $she>> asks.\n\n"Just give me a second", you plead. You try to collect yourself, remember the things you spoke about with Alex just a few short hours ago. You exhale.\n\n"Okay", you begin. "<<print $herName>>, I'm just not happy. I don't get to see my friends. I spend all my time either thinking about you, caring for you, or arguing with you." You take a deep breath and brace yourself. "This relationship is toxic, I need to get out for my own good."\n\n<<print $She>> starts to sob noisily. Wracking, wailing tears. <<print $HerPos>> arms are wrapped so tightly around <<print $herPos>> legs that <<print $herPos>> fingers are turning white. Your crumple in your chest, your heartbreak is so strong you feel physical pain. You didn't even know that was possible. Through the tears, you hear <<print $herObj>> say, "We can fix this, baby, we can fix this. I love you, please."\n\nYou feel tears of your own welling, press them back, try to hold on.\n\n<<print $She>> goes on, "We could take a break, how about that? Some time apart, then we'll be fine, I swear."\n\nAgain, you swallow hard. Push the tears out of your eyes. You know what you came in here to do, but it just hurts so damn much. Maybe <<print $she>>'s right, maybe you two just need a break. Give it a couple weeks, maybe a month, then everything will be better. Everything's always better in the morning, right?\n\nYou take a breath. <<print $She>> says, "Please, <<print $myName>>, I'll do anything."\n\n* [["I... I don't know, baby, I don't know what I want. Maybe a break is the thing to do. I think I just need to think right now. Let's just not talk for a while, I'll call you in a month."|Take A Break]]\n\n* [["I'm sorry, sweetheart, but no. There's nothing you can do, a break isn't going to work. It's not you, it's me. I just can't be in this relationship, it's too late. I love you, but I can't. Goodbye."|No, My Love, It's Me]]\n<<endif>>\n\nAnd with that, you stand up and walk out of the room. <<print $She>> watches you leave without looking back, thinking you won't even miss <<print $herObj>>. As you shut the door, you feel the hot tears start to flow.

"Cousin comes in and tries to rough you up, obviously not totally sane."\n"Parents start stereotyping you as shitbag young person."\n\n[[Hey, I'm great for her -- don't stand there threatening or badmouthing me. Accept me for what I am, and I'll repay the favor.|The Sob Saga][$openness = $openness + 1]]\n\n[[Uh huh. Yeah. Okay.|The Sob Saga][$openness = $openness - 1]]

[[Is this something you're really pursuing? Sounds like something in the past, why is it still around?|The Dog Conversation][$openness = $openness + 1]]\n\n[[I noticed you were texting someone... No, no, not in a bad way -- I just noticed, I swear!|The Dog Conversation][$openness = $openness - 1]]

Your face hardens. You hate that day, hate it like nothing else. The day <<print $she>> walked out on you like there was no reason in the world not to. "Yeah, I didn't particularly enjoy that conversation either", you spit at <<print $herObj>>.\n\n<<print $She>> slumps back a little bit in the chair. "There wasn't really anything else for me to do, you know? You were kind of stalking me." \n\nYour blood boils -- how dare <<print $herObj>> call you a stalker, <<print $she>> was the one hiding from you. Things could've been perfect, <<print $she>> just wouldn't cooperate. You cross your arms and say, "I guess everyone has their own perspective. You weren't very respectful of my feelings."\n\n<<print $She>> raises a single eyebrow. "Y'know what, <<print $myName>>, you're a real piece of work. I hope nobody 'disrespects your feelings' when you go home alone tonight." Without waiting for you to respond, <<print $she>> stands, turns, and walks out.\n\n//[[Yikes. Maybe it was just her, but... Ah, whatever. Try again, maybe it'll go differently.|Start]]//

Friday afternoon, you're sitting in an office chair staring at a clock. Minute by minute, you get closer to the weekend. Not just any weekend, THIS weekend. \n\nThis is the weekend where you and your friends are finally going to New Hampshire. The fabled weekend trip, the one you and your friends have been planning for months. It's a special four day weekend, everyone is taking off Monday and Tuesday. The house is rented, bags are packed -- you're all meeting up at 6:00 to drive on over. Everyone told their bosses there'd be no cell reception, nobody is on call -- it's set.\n\nYou and your friends have been talking about this since back in college. When you would all pile in, eight people to a car, and take a road trip to sleep in someone's Mom's basement, you would talk about how you would really do it right once you were all working. Finally, at long last, everyone has a job (or is still in grad school, poor bastards), a spare weekend, and the schedules line up. It's time.\n\nThankfully, you've managed to daydream away the end of the work day. When you look up, the clock says 5:05. When your next door cube-neighbor looks up at 5:06, you're nowhere to be found.\n\nIn your car, you put on something catchy and fast, turn the stereo up loud. Just a quick drive to the apartment to grab your bags and make sure nothing is missing, then you're golden. As you drive and finish disengaging yourself from the work day, you remember what you're driving towards.\n\n<<print $herName>> was feeling under the weather this morning, so <<print $she>>'s at home right now. Just for yourself, you start betting how many times <<print $she>> bothered to get out of bed today. You feel for <<print $herObj>>, but it's tough to empathize when someone is sick all day then feels dandy at 10 PM to go out and party with friends. You take a deep breath...\n\n...\n\n... and let it out. There you go, now you're feeling a little better. A little calmer. Good thing, too, because you're a block away from your building. As you pull into the parking spot in the garage, you go through the mental checklist of things to remember:\n\n* suitcase full of clothes\n* toothbrush\n* Jameson\n* wireless speakers\n* fireworks\n\nYup, this is going to be a hell of a time. You get out of your car, take the elevator to your floor, and brace yourself before entering the apartment.\n\nYou open the door. "Hey, sweetie", you say in a consciously sweetened tone, "I'm home!" You set about finding your things and hear a voice from the other room:\n\n"Baby, I'm glad you're home!", <<print $herName>> says. "Could you come in here?" <<print $HerPos>> voice sounds a little hoarse and nasal -- poor thing, <<print $she>> really is feeling sick. Your suitcase is where you left it, and you've managed to find the speakers and Jameson -- you put them all in a pile and walk into the bedroom.\n\n<<print $She>>'s wrapped up in a nest of blankets, TV turned on to re-runs of Futurama. <<print $She>> mutes it as you walk into the room. You glance at it, Zoidberg silently mouths something at you.\n\n<<print $herName>> asks, "So I guess you're getting everything packed up and ready to go now?" <<print $HerPos>> face looks forced and happy.\n\nYou smile genuinely back at <<print $herObj>> and say, "Yup! Just have to hunt down my toothbrush and that old bag of fireworks, I'll be ready to get going." You turn away from <<print $herObj>>, start digging through the closet looking for the fireworks. You go on, "I'm really excited, it's been a while since I saw these people."\n\n<<print $She>> squirms in bed. "Sooo", <<print $she>> starts hesitantly, "I guess everybody is going to be able to make it? Nobody's getting up at the last minute?"\n\nLooking behind boxes and bags, you pause for a moment. Sigh. "Yes, honey", you say in your most even-keeled voice, "everyone is going on the trip. It's been planned for months, remember?" You turn to try and catch <<print $herPos>> eye, but <<print $herPos>> gaze is thoroughly trained on a small stain on the comforter.\n\n"Of course I remember, boo, it's just..." <<print $HerPos>> voice hangs, but you already know what's coming. You grit your teeth as <<print $she>> goes on, "Well, I'm feeling really sick and it'd be nice if you stayed with me. I haven't been this sick in a while, and--"\n\nYou cut <<print $herObj>> off, not particularly wanting to hear anything else, saying, "Love, you know how long I've been planning this. How long I've been talking about it, how much this means to me."\n\n"Yes, but baby", <<print $she>> says now looking up at you, "remember how we talked about watching all of The Wire? We could to that! You could just curl up with me, stay with me here in bed -- doesn't that sound nice?" <<print $HerPos>> voice sounds so hopeful, so sweet -- it reminds you of how <<print $she>> used to sound when you brought up the idea of a date night. \n\nYou turn back away from <<print $herObj>>, start going through the closet looking for the fireworks again. Behind here? Under those? Did you put them in something else? Where the fuck are they, you just need those and the toothbrush and you're ready to go. In the back of your head, you hear <<print $herObj>> talking about a new tapas place that you two could go to together.\n\nAH HA! There it is, that old red bag full of gunpowder, noise, and entertainment. You grab it, stand up triumphantly. "Wait, what are those?!", you hear behind you.\n\nYou spin and say, "Fireworks! We used to play with these all the time, this is gonna be good." You can already imagine the bottle rockets flying through the air. You cross the room, get your toothbrush out of the bathroom. When you turn around, <<print $herName>> is on <<print $herPos>> feet.\n\n"What do you MEAN you're going to play with fireworks??", <<print $she>> shouted. "You're just going to the mountains to get drunk with your friends, you're going to get yourself killed!"\n\nYou don't have time for this, and you know it. You don't even bother responding, just take your toothbrush and fireworks and gather up your pile of things into the suitcase. <<print $herName>> follows you out of the bedroom, not missing a beat.\n\n"<<print $myName>>, stop!", <<print $she>> shouts. <<print $HerPos>> voice gets a notch louder. "This isn't fair, this isn't safe, no!" Now even louder, with just the right amount of desperation: "Don't leave me here!"\n\nYour bag now fully packed and held in one hand, you turn to face <<print $herObj>>. <<print $HerPos>> eyes are watering, <<print $herPos>> shoulders are hunched together. <<print $She>> looks like a sick, sad puppy. You're overwhelmed by a feeling of love, nurturing. <<print $She>> really does need you, you know. You're going to go off, have a great weekend with your friends. <<print $She>>'ll just be sitting here, alone and sniffling. Don't you care, don't you want to comfort <<print $herObj>>?\n\nNow you've been looking at <<print $herObj>> silently for a few seconds or so. <<print $She>> sniffles, "It's just not fair..."\n\nYou walk forward, heart heavy, take <<print $herPos>> hand. Give <<print $herObj>> a kiss on the cheek, and let go. As you turn to walk out the door, you say:\n\n* [["I'm sorry, baby, I wouldn't have planned it if I knew you would be sick. I can't bail now, though, my friends will hate me. We'll spend so much time together next weekend, we can do anything you want. I love you, goodbye."|NG-4][$openness = $openness -1]]\n\n* [["Look, sweetheart, I need this. These are my friends, the people I care about, and I need time with them. I'm sorry you're feeling a little sick, but you'll be fine alone. I love you, goodbye."|NG-4][$openness = $openness + 1]]

You look up at <<print $herObj>> from your reverie. "You want to know why I took so long?", you ask.\n\n"Yes", <<print $she>> replies somewhat unsteadily. "The relationship was so broken for so long, but I didn't realize it until you broke up with me. That means you knew it before -- why did you wait so long?"\n\nYou raise your eyebrows -- of all things to talk about, you weren't expecting this. You sigh and rest your chin on your hand as you think. "I suppose the core of the issue", you say, "is that I thought love was supposed to hurt."\n\nNow it was <<print $herObj>> turn to be confused -- <<print $she>> cocks <<print $herPos>> head slightly to the side, like a confused dog.\n\n"Every time I would put myself second", you go on, "a little part of me would get angry. After a little while of being angry and in love, I assumed that anger was part of love." You breathe out deeply, as if there was some bad juju trapped inside you that needed expelling. "I eventually just stopped questioning it."\n\n<<print $She>> looks down, <<print $herPos>> body language visibly uncomfortable. <<print $She>> opened <<print $herPos>> mouth, closed it again. Eventually, <<print $she>> chokes out, "That's... that's pretty terrible, to be honest."\n\nYou shrug, raise your glass to your face and take a sip. Drink still by your mouth, you say, "Yeah. I didn't seem to mind it too much for a lot of the time it was happening, though, so who knows." You finish the drink, examine <<print $herPos>> face. Try to remember all positive feelings you used to have there.\n\n<<print $She>> squirms slightly, trying to look anywhere but you. Hell, what do you know, <<print $she>> might even feel guilty. How's that for some late validation. Then again, what's it matter now? <<print $She>> opens <<print $herPos>> mouth, says, "I'm sorry, <<print $myName>>."\n\nYou keep your eyes trained on <<print $herObj>>. "I can't say that it's alright", you say, "but it also doesn't matter anymore. Have a good life, <<print $herName>>." With that, you stand up, turn, and leave the bar. This time, there are no tears. No vindictive joy, either -- just calm.\n\n\n//[[Hey, they can't all work out, right? Otherwise you'd be awfully inexperienced once something did. Try again?|Start]]//

John O'Sullivan

\n\n[[Hell no, I've had these plans for three years. These are my brothers, I can't break a commitment to them.|NG-4][$openness = $openness + 1]]\n\n[[I don't want to deal with this. Whatever, I guess they'll be here some other weekend -- let's go see your grandma.|NG-4][$openness = $openness - 1]]

<<if $openness gt 0>>\n[[Take them to the hospital. Put 'em in rehab. One month later, out pops the reborn love you were searching for.|Stay By Their Side]]\n[[Nope, nope, not in a million years. Hell no, I'm not dealing with that. 911 is ringing, she can make sure her own dumb ass gets saved.|Leave Their Troubles Behind]]\n<<else>>\n[[I'm not the closest one to her, what makes me think I know best? I'm going to let their family take over, see them when I see them.|One Less Problem]]\n[[You shake your head sadly, lift them into the backseat of your car. Into ER, they're out the next day. They walk into the bathroom. You consider opening the door and saying something, but decide against it. So the cycle continues.|Won A Battle, But War Never Ends]]\n<<endif>>