Traumleser Report: Bobby Fluegel
Working in cooperation with researchers at UCSF, FBI dream specialists obtained a traumleser report on Bobby Fluegel. It was hoped by FBI that the report would offer insight into Ed Fluegels' whereabouts.
The traumleser, despite its questionable reliability as an information-gathering device, is still a classified instrument, and only one UCSF researcher was allowed to view the results, after signing a document to the effect that the researcher was not allowed to publish articles about the traumleser in academic journals. It is not likely that viewing the results of a single traumleser report, without the dream-interpretation techniques refined by more than fifty years of gathering data, will cause security problems. It was not believed by FBI that a single report would offer the researcher any insight into the nature of the device. FBI had long ago realized the commerical potential of the traumleser, whether marketed as novelty or therapeutic aid, and strict precautions were taken to prevent the researcher from seeing the device itself.
Bobby Fluegel's traumleser report.
0011 Subject is at swimming hole with teenagers in brightly colored swimming suits. A rope hangs above the water and the swimmers are taking turns swinging over the water and falling in. As each person swings out over the water, a can is tossed at them which they are to grasp in midair. Every one completes this succesfully.
Subject, when it is his turn to swing, instead falls backward into water.
There follows a sequence of citrus fruit being propelled through thin sheets of water.
Subject is in line at fast food restaurant, staffed by robotic employees. A woman at the front of the line is complaining about the size of her hamburger.
The staff circle her with concern and the burger is prodded. Woman abruptly falls, and is unable to rise.
Subject attempts to revive her by pouring milk across her mouth.
Everything resolves into a red dot.
Subject is skateboarding atop a very tall skyscraper, performing dangerous maneuvers. Also present are several dogs. One of the dogs is a Chihuahua which speaks in a Mexican accent, then seems to change into a black-and-white spotted dog of some sort, wearing sunglasses, and be surrounded by bikini-clad women and beer.
Overhead is approaching helicopter carrying large bottle opener.
[REM sleep interrupted by careless night janitor. End of report]
FBI dream analysts, upon examining this report, concluded that it offered no insight into Ed Fluegel's whereabouts.