Hey little man, here's the instructions we said we'd send you. Pretty much we want a sweet webpage with some pictures of our most whack pipes and bongs right up top, like the credit-card model we got the photo of there and the electro-bong, that phat water bong that you plug in the wall and, man, even Nathan can't keep up with that thing!
Here's captions for the pix:
"Graphix Penetrator. $119.99"
"Redeye by Indicatronix"
"Internal Discombobulation Engine by Ez-buzz"
We want a site that looks like the screen is melting, cause we got stuff like that that the other guys on the block only imagine. We're into the blink tag. We don't care about Internet Explorer, because that's the official browser of The Man. Make it psychedelic. We want this over the top, animation and all, and we want that midi loop of "Cosmic Charlie" to play when the page loads. See if you can make the whole website look tie-dyed. It's not just a URL, it's a Happening like. Our clientele don't mind a slow load time. :)
So you got to get our address in there and our hours. It's SmokeHaus, 47 Avenue A, 10009. Yeah, you better put "New York, New York, U.S.A." 'cause this web is world wide, write? I mean, I bet we got stuff you can't even get in Amsterdam, gotta encourage that international trade. We're open noon to 8pm Tuesday to Saturday. Maybe you'd better put the time zone. You're experienced, you decide. Are you experienced? Yeah and put in "Flower Power!" at the bottom cause some cats still think that kind of thing is groovy. Maybe you can have a picture of a flower with, like, power coming out.
And definitely put "on line sales are coming soon, we do not have a secure server yet but we're gonna get one real soon" and "this site is still under construction!" When we get our act together we'll get you to do the rest of the pages for us with out catalog and people can order on the web and stuff.
Oh yeah, we don't need the feds or the world police or whatever riding our ass, so you gotta make sure you DON'T MAKE REFERENCE TO ANY ACTIVITY THAT MIGHT BE ILLEGAL. Very important. Make sure you say, right under "Flower Power": "These products are sold only for use with tobacco. You must be 18 years or older to purchase any of these tobacco accessories from SmokeHaus."
Thanks dude! You the little man! If you could get that to us by tomorrow morning that'd be phat.